The Dark Day

Our daughter Mahiyaa Bala J was normally a bubbly, vivacious child. She is a diva for many and loved by everyone. On May end, over the weekend I found my daughter looking tired and not excited about the weekend nor her favourite activities. I thought maybe tired since she was very busy with online classes due MCO and in next 3 days we found she develop fever. As parents we feel something is not right and as per our usual practice we brought her to ER immediately. This time we are more concern on making sure her fever is not due to Covid Virus. The MO in duty ordered  blood test for her. Soon after her first blood report the nurse came told us to run another blood test as the previous one not clear. We was surprised and again another blood test was conducted. An hour later MO informed us that he have to admit Mahiyaa as her blood test looks hay wire and referred us with Paediatric Specialist and send our blood report to Haematologists as well. We was shocked to know her blood reading was not stable with Blood White Cell count over 1040 Million when it should only ranges between 5-11 for normal people.

Due to MCO, only one parent allowed to stay with her and I decided to be with her. After Covid PCR Test we are admitted in observation ward. Only god knows how many medical website I have surfed to have some rough idea what could be the reason of the weird white cell count while waiting for the Paediatric come in the morning with third full blood picture result and most page outcome was about Hepatitis B and Leukaemia. The 'mother instinct' telling me something is really to be worried and this time I couldn't resist the feeling that I'm just being paranoid. The more I surf the more I get sick on my stomach. I don't know how I pass the night and in the morning Haematologist came with the most shocking news that my princess having Leukaemia for sure but only Bone Marrow Biopsy result could confirm it.

"Can you imagine what it is like to hear those words come out of a doctor's mouth" ? As a mother I couldn't stay calm, I never knew a healthy breast feed child who had great prenatal care and never missed any vaccines nor routines check up could have cancer out of sudden at the age of  5 year 7 months. I feel the world just shattered and collapsed under my feet. I remain calm in front of my daughter while doctor asking me some question about her early symptoms and about our family health history. There was no any early symptoms like bruising, frequent fever or bleeding beside having fever for the first time after 1 year 2 months.

The result of surfing internet for more then 8 hours, I would say I am almost prepared for the diagnosis even its very hard to believe but one thing I feel little relieve to know with the proper treatment, the outlook for kids and teens with leukaemia is good. I called my husband to share the result. I tried hard to hold my tears and fears. Somehow I manage to pass the news and we both was in silent. We thought we could hide the feelings but only God knows what we felt on that few minutes without uttering a single word. I know he is breaking on the other side.