Fear Of Unknown.

No parents prepare for what will happen when they arrive in hospital. Seeing Mahiyaa poorly and having no control over what is happening completely throws us. The first thing I remember was I'm not alone. There are lots of parents and care givers on the ward going through exactly same thing and SJMC Hospital staff are amazing in supporting us through this time. Our friends and family kept her happy with gifts and phone calls .We make sure she don't feel the vulnerability of her treatment. We make lots of tiktok videos, played games. Following our 10 days stay in SJMC paediatric ward , I tried and diverted my mind in staying positive. There are no timescales or guarantees for how things will take .

 A bad morning followed by good afternoon and sometime when Mahiyaa really sick ,we just hang on those moments as we will get it through. Most of the time I spend time surfing the internet whenever Mahiyaa resting. Rather then grieving and crying I start learn about Mahiyaa diagnosis as much as I can. Knowledge is important. When Mahiyaa discharged, I will need this knowledge to care for her and do my best helping her overcome the side effects of the drugs. I will need this knowledge to explain the condition to anyone involved in Mahiyaa's health care. This also help me to see how far she has come on her journey especially when I have became her voice. I strongly believe, what we don't know really can hurt us.  As the fear of the unknown is tendency to be afraid of something we have no information about any level, I spend lots of time surfing the internet and by talking to the people with Medical background to collect information. 

I understood in Malaysia the percentage of paediatric cancer cases is very small compared to a lot of adult- onset cancers. This cause less awareness among the parents. Information and education may help parents to recognise symptoms , and to bring their children to the right medical professional to diagnose and treat them. I felt so much calm to understand the fact that cancers in children are so treatable. I also would like to highlight the fear parents have about chemotherapy are always carried over from what they see in adults but, on the whole, I find that children tolerate chemotherapy very well. Instead of opting for alternative therapy, I recognise the importance of medical advances and therapy that will provide immediate help and keep Mahiyaa's cancer in check.